Ask Aysha: “Is It Okay to Date My Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?”

Last Updated: September 1, References. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed , times. Breakups can be tough. Feelings of jealousy, self-consciousness, sadness, and anger are prevalent in such an emotionally-charged situation. To deal when your ex dates your friend, talk to your friend so you can work through your emotions and maintain your friendship without feeling sad or angry.

Is it OK to Date Your Friend’s Ex?

For as long as you can remember, society has rolled with this mentality and relationships have been guided by this rule. Affections have been snuffed out, crushed before blooming by this brotherhood and sisterhood code. It is considered a betrayal of trust, an awkward situation and a friendship deal breaker. But really, does it have to be like that? I have always thought that the reasons often given to justify the existence of this decapitating rule are not enough.

The unspoken rules of girl code imply that it’s basically never OK to date your friend’s ex, especially your best friend’s former boyfriend.

But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock. Woman apologizing after an argument iStock. Furthermore, Dr. Friends making a toast iStock. Beginning the discussion with your friend might be scary, at first.

However, how you ask will make all the difference. According to Fabrega, once you decide to proceed in getting closer to this person, try following these tips when having the conversation with your friend:.

3 Reasons Why You Should Never Date Your Friend’s Ex

Human dating preferences vary from person to person. Someone likes thin girls, others enjoy chubby ones, some girls like muscular men, while others prefer slender ones. But we don’t base our choice only on physical parameters. We pay a lot of attention to the emotional and social side. Humans are very different, and we all have different tastes when it comes to choosing romantic partners. The aforementioned is not a bad thing, especially today when all kinds of love are welcomed and accepted.

Three months later, I began dating her after hanging out with her in groups. I told my friend my intentions. (The woman and I dated briefly, but it.

It just sort of happened. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party. In some ways this is perfectly natural. This sort of stuff happens more than you might think. But you do need to make sure you go about this right.

Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex.

Dating a Friend’s Ex: Is It a Good Idea?

Please leave empty:. She took it fine and didn’t care too much. She was surprised but got over it. She freaked out and vowed to never speak to him again. A few days. A few weeks.

Can I date my best friend’s ex? Many of us asked this question. They say that relationships with ex-girlfriends of friends are taboo and breaking.

It was unusual research, certainly; only a few studies had ever attempted to suss out what factors made a post-breakup friendship a success or a bust, and after her presentations, Griffith often took questions from other scientists and peers in her field. But the query she encountered most often was not about her conclusions, or her methodology, or her data analysis. The questions of whether and how to stay friends with an ex—romantic partner are, as Griffith can attest, both complex and universal.

To utter it during a breakup conversation is either a kind and helpful way to lessen the pain of parting or the cruelest part of the whole endeavor, depending on who you ask. An attempt to stay friends may be a kindness if it suggests an attachment or a respect that transcends the circumstances of the romantic relationship, for instance. It can be a cruelty, however, when it serves to pressure the jilted party into burying feelings of anger and hurt. As a result, how to interpret or act on the suggestion of a post-breakup friendship is one of the great everyday mysteries of our time.

There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility i. For instance, Griffith and her team found that friendships resulting from unresolved romantic desires tended to lead to the most negative outcomes, like feelings of sadness, challenges moving on romantically, and disapproval from other friends. One surprising finding was that extroverted people were less likely to remain friends with an ex—romantic partner.

16 Reasons to Not Date Your Friend’s Ex

Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. Communication is vital if maintaining the friendship is important to you. Indifference is the opposite of love. A good way to gauge this is by suggesting an outing where your friend and their ex will both be present.

Which is gonna be totally fine. Funny ex, the present. Emma and who will help you and quickly started dating my friends. No, seeing each other behind his ex.

Spoiler alert! So far, she’s heartbroken—and understandably so. Eh, ok, that one was kind of shocking. But there are a select number of situations when you can pick up her hopefully not sloppy seconds, says Engler. Call her or talk to her in person no texting here and explain your feelings. Hard to stay incognito these days! When she found out, she went ballistic,” says Treva S.

If you all still hang out on weekends, even more of a reason to give it a go. In the world of Bumble and Tinder, relationships move fast. But then she starting spreading rumors about me and our relationship dissolved.

8 Things That Will Happen If You Date Your Friends Ex

Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend’s ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they’d never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they’re just following the rules. What I’ve noticed, though, is that every person I’ve heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.

Her high school boyfriend was a close family friend. After graduation, she knew that he wasn’t her forever, and though it was hard to cut ties with.

Image: iStock. We all know that sometimes people hook up with those in their friendship circle. Sometimes, those hook-ups can lead to fractures in the group dynamics, a kind of awkwardness. Especially when the hook ups overlap between people, or in this instance, your best friend. It could be a case that your friend says they’re over their ex, but in reality it was their only way of coping, or getting through the break up.

Getting over a relationship is hard to do.

Should You Date Your Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend?

As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Follow Us. Skip to content.

Sometimes dating your friend’s ex is all good, and sometime it’s really not. Ask yourself these 10 questions before you go there.

Yeah, honestly this article is only going to scratch the surface of why even entertaining this is all kinds of wrong. If you and your friend are super close, then she probably told you about her relationship with the guy. She has every reason to think that you dating her ex is a bit on the side of disloyal. Your friend is more than fair if she asks you how long you and her ex have entertained dating each other. And either way, thinking that being together is cool is pretty shady on both of your parts.

And really, can you trust that? Probably not. Revenge reveals itself in a sorts of ways. Be careful about a guy who wants to date you shortly after his relationship ends with your friend. You might be nothing more than a pawn to hurt her feelings or make her jealous. The reason why you and her are friends is because the two of you have some things in common, right? What you might not be prepared for is him comparing you openly.

And not only that but someone who they actually know? Guys talk to their friends.

Why You Never Date your Friend’s Ex